I am studying for my upcoming Java final exam with such sincerity that I feel like I am thirteen again. So earnest, so innocent. The grown up, cynical me has given up (its called depressive realism, in psychological terms). But my soul is a little girl- the starry-eyed optimist (I am always told that I am one, maybe because I grin too much-despite having such big teeth) And she is instructing the grown-up me to keep at it.
In about thirty-six hours from now the future will have come and gone.
I treat this blog as a space where I come to dump all the excessive emotions that make everything underneath the epidermis a homogeneous mixture, where you cannot make out the lungs from muscles from blood capillaries from bones. Its a sludge, thick, murky, sticky and very difficult to take off of you. And, I am the victim. (applause!) My aim for each day is to physically tire myself out so much that I am left with no energy, or will, to get into a fight in my mind, with myself.
Its 2:22 am Monday night, I was trying to (finally) (hopefully) get some sleep and get my body clock running on Pacific Time, but of-course it has a mind of its own. No one listens to me, not my head, not my heart, not my body. Like they are individually and collectively smarter than I am. (That's not making much sense)
I'm going nowhere with this. (ugh!) Isn't everything supposed to have a conclusion. If you took the class on theories of built environment with me you'd say, "No, not necessarily" , and you'd be right (Well, at least in the world of thinkers and theorists *that* is how the universe is constructed, and de-constructed..... and we end it with a food session!) With Java, I have to sacrifice the wings and be hard coded into reality. I don't know what I like more, its bits of both I think.
I hope for my next quarter I will ease out on the masochism. I really should like myself more.
And I will definitely make my next post more reader friendly. My last post, (which was very unsympathetic to the readers, my apologies) got me some peculiar reactions. I got hug emails, advice emails, unexpected adjectives, a whole bunch of things. One of my closest friends does not like my blog, and I send him links everytime I write something. Maybe I should like others more too!
